Thought Balloons by Don MacPherson "Surreal reality" We all love comics, and most of us got into them for the escapism. In my youth, colorful super-heroes ignited my imagination, and I was enthralled. The idea of flying through outer space or running across the rooftops in an urban obstacle course was mesmerizing. I wanted to be a super-hero. I imagined my action figures would come to life around me. As an adult, there's still a degree of escapism at play in my comics reading, and not just with the super-heroes. I don't imagine myself firing Spider Jerusalem's bowel disruptor, but I do wish I shared the same intensity of passion and brilliance he does in Transmetropolitan. I wish I had the same strength and dedication as Tara Chace exhibits in Queen and Country. Caped crusaders, raging writers, saddened spies... they all serve as gateways into worlds of weirdness and wonder. Mind you, there's plenty of weird and wondrous all around us. Take Fredericton, for example. Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada, that is, where I work as a reporter for the local newspaper. I've not even been back in town a year, and I've already been privy to and learned of events that boggle the mind and turn the stomach. Example: A city councillor -- whose full-time day job is as a social worker -- calls her husband's mistress and informs her she and her husband are both HIV-positive. After a police investigation, the councillor and hubby are charged with spreading false information for the purpose of alarming the victim (a charge usually reserved for someone who yells "Fire!" in a crowded theatre or the like). With the charge looming over her head, the city councillor is re-elected. By a landslide. Example: The paper's features reporter learns of an unusual story about a couple of pets (these cutesy features always play well). A German shepherd -- one of many dogs in a particular homestead -- has adopted a kitten into the fold, kind of like those old Warner Bros. cartoons. What's so weird? The dog -- a female -- has taken to nursing the kitten. (Maybe you're like others in my office who didn't see why cross-species breast-feeding was creepy. Try this: instead of a dog, imagine a human female nursing the cat. Yeah. I know.) Example: Two young men convicted of a gay bashing reappear in court, accused of violating the terms of their sentence. They had gotten off easy: 12 months of house arrest, not jail time, but they were caught outside of their homes in the middle of the afternoon. Their defence? They were looking for work, which is allowed under the terms of their lenient sentence. They claim that on the day in question, they travelled to a local potash mine to look for work. On the stand, they admit to driving near the operation, looking at it from afar, from behind a fence, and deciding that "it didn't look like they were hiring." Instead of proceeding home, they pull off on a side road, open the trunk and partake in some alcoholic beverages they just happen to have in a cooler. After a few drinks, they proceed homeward at excessive speeds in order to arrive in time to answer their probation officer's phone calls, but on the way, they lose control of the car, which flips several times and ends up in a ditch. One of the young men suffers a broken limb. The pair is sentenced to serve the final month of their 12-month sentence in jail. Since they've been in custody since the car accident, they serve no more jail time. Example: Provincial officials issue a public advisory warning snowmobilers that they should stay off frozen ponds, rivers, etc., because due to an unusually mild winter, the ice is -- as one would expect -- not terribly thick. The advisory was issued because drunken snowmobile enthusiasts are, of course, travelling on the ice, and occasionally, dying. Example: The city councillor and her husband are convicted of the false information charge. The newspaper is inundated with criticism for having covered the trial at all. Popular opinion was that the mistress -- the woman who committed to no crime -- was the wrongdoer, as was the councillor's husband. Many people cancel their subscriptions because the paper dared to cover the criminal trial of an elected official. Example: A local woman who has a number -- almost 20, if memory serves -- of Pomeranian cats and similar breeds has to move away, and she has decided she can't take her cats with her. She puts the call out that she has plenty of pets available for adoption... at $200 a pop. Example: A local gynaecologist goes on trial -- for the third time, mind you, thanks to hung juries -- accused of sexual assault. The Crown maintains he touched not one, not two, but six of his patients in a sexual manner. The defence: the fact that he was born with six fingers on one hand -- the extra digit was removed years before -- caused him to involuntary touch the patients in an unusual manner that was misinterpreted as sexual. The jury finds him guilty of only one of the six counts. Example: According to provincial laws, city council must toss its convicted colleague out of city hall. She runs again in the byelection that arises as a result, and wins yet again. Another landslide. Actually, by the exact same number of votes as the last time. Weird, frustrating, laughable... and always entertaining. Is it any wonder why I love my job? Don MacPherson isn't all that mild-mannered. Email Don MacPherson comments about this column, or discuss it on the Fourth Rail message board.